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Poke away your pain

You could be the biggest backer of alt-med in town — but when truly severe pain rears its ugly head, it could all go flying out the window.

You’re ready to give up, give in, and give pain pills a try.

And if your pain is so severe that you haul your aching rear to an ER, you’re no doubt hoping for the big guns: the opioid painkillers that have led millions of Americans down the path toward addiction.

You know the risks. You know, but you don’t care. You’re in PAIN and need HELP.

Well, my friend, I’m here to say there’s another way — because while you might THINK you need those high-powered painkillers, new research spots something a whole lot safer that works even faster.

And you’re not going to believe what it is.

Acupuncture!

Yes, the old pincushion treatment that’s so effective at easing common forms of chronic pain could also hit the spot for severe pain, because new research on this “ancient Chinese secret” put it head-to-head against pain pills in the most stressful setting of all.

This study was done in an emergency room, where people are at their most desperate… and where pain is so bad no “placebo effect” has a snowball’s chance in you-know-where of working.

Over the course of about a year, a hospital emergency room gave 300 pain patients either acupuncture or morphine — and the porcupine trick won by every possible measure: MORE patients got MORE relief.

Acupuncture helped 92 percent of the folks who had it, versus just 78 percent of folks given morphine. And once relief kicked in, folks given acupuncture reported bigger drops in pain than the ones on morphine.

Acupuncture even worked FASTER than morphine. I’d find that hard to believe, but I have the numbers right here in front of me: Folks given acupuncture got relief within a mean time of 16 minutes.

For morphine, it took nearly half an hour!

And of course, acupuncture won the side effects battle — and it wasn’t even close.

More than half of the morphine patients battled at least some kind of side effect, usually dizziness, while just 2.6 percent of the acupuncture patients had side effects.

In most cases, it wasn’t even a true side effect. They had a broken needle, which is no big deal.

So if you’re in pain, don’t be afraid to skip the pills and go for the pins.

Naturally, this applies to pain where you already know the cause — an on-again, off-again back issue that suddenly flares up, for example. If you’re suddenly in intense pain and don’t know why… or are in pain because of a new injury… don’t call your acupuncturist.

Get your butt to the ER.

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