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Eat meat… and live LONGER!

I’ve got a cousin who’s a vegetarian, and trying to pick a place to eat with him is a total nightmare.

Once we FINALLY find a spot with the right kind of bunny chow… once the food arrives and we’re about to dig in… you can see THE LOOK come across his face.

Let me tell you something: It’s not a happy look.

It’s a look of regret!

He won’t admit it, of course. Ask him about his diet — and I’ve learned not to — and he’ll get more self-righteous than a hippie in a Prius, babbling on and on and on about how much longer he’s going to live than me.

If you know any bean-brains yourself, you know what I’m talking about. They can’t help it.

And right now, they’re baking an eggless cake with soymilk frosting and lighting cruelty-free candles to celebrate a new study that claims replacing meats with plant proteins will add years to your life.

Yeah, right.

The meat-hating researchers did their best to hide the truth, and the clueless media of course played along. They reported only what was in the press release — which was that increasing plant protein cuts the risk of death, while increasing meat protein boosts your odds of kicking the bucket.

I smelled a moldy old mushroom burger the moment I saw the headlines, so I dug into the details — with my freshly-sharpened steak knife — and I found the truth hiding just beneath the surface.

There was NO RISK AT ALL in meat eaters with a healthy lifestyle!

In folks who aren’t obese, don’t drink heavily, and aren’t sedentary, all the meat in the world doesn’t make a difference. You can eat steak three times a day and there’s NO INCREASE IN RISK, according to the study.

In fact, the study finds the death risk isn’t really in “meat eaters.”

It’s in being unhealthy — and even then, the link wasn’t really in meat so much as PROCESSED meat.

So once you get down to it, all the study REALLY proves is what should be obvious: Being a thin vegetarian is certainly better than being an obese Big Mac eater.

But it’s still not the best way.

For instance, my cousin has a heart of gold — but he’s also moody and absent-minded, classic side effects of a vegetarian diet.

The soy he eats also gives him a shot of estrogen, which is not at all what an aging guy wants.

And the lack of omega-3 fatty acids could no doubt cause a heart attack one of these days… maybe right in the middle of one of his lectures about how great he feels since he went vegetarian.

So don’t fall for the headlines and the hype. A healthy low-carb diet that’s rich in animal fats is proven to help you lose weight, lower your blood pressure, cut your triglycerides, slash blood sugar and — most importantly — make you HAPPIER, because you’ll never get THE LOOK when you see your food.

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