Want all the “benefits” of bulimia, but don’t want to jam a finger down your throat? There’s an app for that!
In what sounds like the world’s worst practical joke, the FDA has just approved a crazy new gadget that allows you to eat whatever you want and then pump it all right out of your stomach.
No, seriously. This is real.
It’s called “AspireAssist” — and, to get one, you first have to let a surgeon install a “port” in your belly connected to a tube that goes into your stomach.
After a big meal when you’re ready for round two… or if you just want to make sure you’ve got room for dessert… you head to the bathroom, lift up your shirt and open the port.
I’m still not making this up.
Then, you attach a little vacuum to the port to suck the food out of your gut and dump it down the toilet.
Who needs digestion anymore?
This is just about the worst idea for weight loss I’ve ever heard — so naturally the FDA approved the device, and it’ll soon be available.
The feds say they approved it because it can help people lose weight. Each pump-and-dump gets nearly a third of the calories from your meal out of your gut before they can be digested.
Over the course of a year, folks who used the device dropped just over 12 percent of their body weight, or more than three times the amount lost by dieters in a control group.
But c’mon, didn’t ANYONE stop to think about how nutty this is?
Even if it works like a charm, it doesn’t solve the REAL problem that leads to weight gain, and that’s poor diet.
Instead, it teaches you that you can eat whatever the heck you want and never pay the price.
And, let’s face it, even if you eat junk and manage to lose weight, you’re not going to get healthy — because you’ll miss out on the vital nutrients and essential fats your body needs.
As a result, the study found that while folks who used the device lost much more weight than those who didn’t, both groups had similar — and very small — improvements in the markers for conditions like diabetes.
Here’s a better idea: Instead of pumping 30 percent of your food out of your gut, don’t put it in there in the first place!
Trust me… it works every time.